Not Easy

There's a certain amount of guilt associated with going through IVF. Especially when it's "your fault". My wife, several years younger than me, had (and still has) a perfect bill of health, while the onus was (and still is as far as I know) on me. In other words, my infertility lead us to IVF, and as a consequence, my wife had to be subjected to several weeks of torture including injections, pills and insertions. My role was to donate on the day of egg retrieval, sit back and do nothing else but support the wife.

She's been a real trooper though. She hated needles a couple of years ago, but since having so many injections and blood tests she's become an authority on pain. After all the that, she'd still have to make the inevitable phone call to the nurse on the day of the pregnancy test, only to find out that once again, we'd failed to conceive. There were times I thought, perhaps we should give up and just be satisfied with a happy marriage. Let's face it, a life without kids is not all bad. There's less responsibility and you get a good night sleep. You get holidays by yourself and you can actually save money. 

But my wife wanted to continue. For all our troubles (particularly my wife) we've had one chemical pregnancy and one early miscarriage. More often than not it was a "not pregnant". But you have to be in it to win it, right? Of course you do.

So we continue to pursue our dream of being parents. My wife puts up with the drugs, injections and emotional strain.

I just be the supportive husband. Of course, I don't show my pain. I don't show my sadness for her. I don't let her know how watching her suffer hurts me. I can't. I'm male.